you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
