the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
