Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
