____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
