too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
