Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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