I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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