i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
