apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
