its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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