So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Floor bacon is actually really good
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
