Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
