I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
