the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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