I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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