Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
