my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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