found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
