What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
