I like my sex mixed with concussions.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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