cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
