yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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