I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Randomize
