dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
