I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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