she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
