Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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