Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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