The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
