I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
