Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
