so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
