If that was your dad, he is hot
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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