My first STD was from a foam party
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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