It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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