Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
