guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
