Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
