My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
