Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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