Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
