Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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