I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
