I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
