the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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