I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
