I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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