I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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