Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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