You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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