If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
