Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
