Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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