# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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