So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
