And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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