someone get that fucking seahorse.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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