if you like me you must not know who I am
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
