so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
