here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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