and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize