The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
