I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
