At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
