so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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