you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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