Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
