if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
