do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize