At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How does one acquire holy water?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
