I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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