You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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