Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
