So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
