You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize