I just cut my nipple shaving
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
