I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize