If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
