just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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