I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
