Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
