Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A bitchslap is in order.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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