Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
