I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
