I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
