Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
