How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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