Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
