While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
