I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize