we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
