So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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