I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize