WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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