ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
