What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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