tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh god it's open bar.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
