You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
