is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
